Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
