He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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