if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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