i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
