Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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