I just threw up on my dentist
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
