Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
