What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
