She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
