Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
