Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
