Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
