I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
