I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
