there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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