I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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