Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
