the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they need to just BURY HIM!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
