I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize