Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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