I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
