i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
