so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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