he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
