I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
