bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
