I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
