If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
