I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
