good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
