My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Your penis caused this!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
