i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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