we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
