Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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