Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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