I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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