I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
