I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
