Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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