In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
