so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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