I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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