dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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