saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
