At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I forget how to act sober
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
