you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
