five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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