I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's the barista slut.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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