i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
