Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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