Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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