He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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